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Effective discipline requires follow through and consistent actions by the adults who are in a child’s life. By being consistent you are letting a child know that when you say something she must listen and do as she is asked. This builds a sense of trust and security for a child because she knows she can count on you and that you will follow through.
Being consistent is not for “sissies” because it means the adult must have the strength and courage not to give in to a child when she is refusing to follow your instructions and wants her way. If you do give in, the child will learn that it is okay to manipulate you and others.
Sometimes adults find themselves giving the same instruction over and over again because they would like a child to comply on his own without a conflict occurring. But, giving too many chances becomes confusing for a child because he does not know when he is really going to have to comply with your request. Today you may expect him to listen after the second time you tell him and yesterday it was after the fourth. A child will test boundaries until he knows what is expected. This is normal behavior, especially in a new situation. That is why it is you must remain consistent in your expectations of how you want a child to behave. Children will continue to test you if you are not consistent.
Example of not being consistent:
“Conner, stop pouring the water on the floor, someone will trip and fall.” “Stop it now, please.” “Conner, come on, please listen to me.” “Conner, I mean it, stop it!”
There are ways to let Conner know what he needs to do without getting angry or upset. You may try the following:
To anticipate a problem in advance, say, “Conner, I think we should put down a mat or towel in case some water gets on the floor while you are playing. We don’t want anyone to fall and get hurt.”
To offer a choice and point out a natural consequence, say, “Conner, when you make a mess it has to be cleaned up. I will let you play for just a few minutes more and then it will be time to clean it up, we don’t someone to fall or get hurt. I will help you and you need to help too.”
Or, you can say: “Conner, I know it is fun playing with the water, but you can stop spilling it or choose somewhere else to play. When you spill the water, you will have to clean it up.”
While we need to be open to changes in our day and know that changes will happen, having consistency in our lives gives us a basis on which to gage our behavioral responses. Think about your day. Does it make you feel better knowing what time the bus is going to pick up the children, what time your spouse is getting home from work or the rules expected from your employment?
Do that for the children in your care. Have a daily routine and consistency in the rules and expectations of behavior from children. Using consistency with a child needs to start at an early age. You will be providing security and the chances of having children respond and behave the way you want will be much greater.
Mary Neher has a BA in psychology, an AS in early childhood education, is a certified family development specialist with 15 years of experience working with families, children and teachers. Author of “All Things Possible,” she provides training and consultation. E-mail her at
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